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What if you were a raid boss?

On whim the other night, we decided to take a group of level 85s and complete some achievements for old world instances. As you can imagine, it was rather like sand-blasting a soup cracker, and most of our time was spent actually flying to the different instances. (And flying back to WC a second time because we managed to glitch the event for the last boss.) All the while we were chatting away on Mumble to pass time and while commenting on each characters’ 100k+ health, we realized that our health was comparable to Ragnaros in MC. Our characters could have been 40-man vanilla raid bosses.

We quickly decided that with our sheer amount of DPS, we would have been many times more powerful than Ragnaros. Imagine this group: a blood DK tank, a resto shaman, an enh shaman (Kazi), a cat druid, and Niqora, who lets say is a beastmaster hunter in this case, with Blacky at her side of course. Any magical CCs not on the resto shaman would immediately be cleansed. Any stuns on Niqo would fall off with Bestial Wrath, she’d launch traps of all sorts left and right, and then there would be Blacky to contend with. There would have to be 10 warrior tanks against us, rolling Shield Walls and taunts in turn just so they don’t get one-shotted by any of us. There would be frantic button mashing to interrupt our resto shaman’s heals AND to dispel our DK’s self heals. Assuming they target the healer first, they’d have to kill him three separate times: after the first death, he’s reincarnate, and after the second, our druid would throw him a battle rez. Our druid would just…do well, everything, in the awesome way that only a druid can. And god have mercy on the raid if Kazi popped Bloodlust, spirit wolves, and Shamanistic Rage.

As if all of that wasn’t bad enough, we began musing what special abilities we could use if we hit our enrage timer.

Our resto shaman would cast instant chain heals costing no mana.
Our druid would gain 200% weapon damage to Swipe, 100% crit chance, and it would affect targets in a 360 degree radius.
Kazi would be able to summon elementals of all the elements at once.
Niqora would summon all of the pets in her stables…all 25 of them.
I have to admit that the most impressive one would be for our DK: the ability to cast the Lich King’s Defile on every global cooldown. Any overlapping areas multiply the damage.

It wouldn’t be a raid, it would be a massacre. Heaven help Azeroth if we were a group of outdoor raid bosses. The entire planet would be under a cloud of defile. All the players on Horde and Alliance would have to group together to even attempt to kill us.

Forget Deathwing and even Sargeras. We’d be the biggest threat that Azeroth has ever seen. *cackles manically*

Luckily for the Horde, we’d be on their side if they offered Garrosh to us as a sacrifice. Alliance…well, you’re kinda screwed.

So if you were a raid boss, what would it be like?

4 Comments

  1. Posted February 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    My enrage timer would give me 100% crit, Charge and Heroic Leap with no cooldown, Retaliation buff that doesn’t drop off, and a 300% damage Mortal Strike with built-in Sweeping Strikes.

    Rawr!

    • Posted February 11, 2011 at 1:27 pm | Permalink

      Ha, awesome! You’d be known as the “Plate-Clad Mongoose of DOOOOOOOOOM!”

  2. Posted February 11, 2011 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

    Hmmmmmm….. I shall ponder upon this endlessly.

  3. Posted February 12, 2011 at 1:17 am | Permalink

    I would be scared of a Zyss raid boss, it would be unkillable, with zyss as the warrior for those raid bosses, it would by like Algarond the raid destroyer on crack, then on speed, then on about 30 lifetimes worth of caffeene, and full of crying